Top 3

3. Heated Everything

From many of my other posts, you can clearly come to the conclusion that I detest the cold. If the temperature drops below 65 I begin to contemplate just dropping everything in life and moving to California or Australia. They are the same distance, right? Alas, as the temperature continues to drop and I continue to have brief bouts of (almost) crying fits, there comes a silver lining: the heater.  Whether it’s cuddling with my space heater at work, sitting on the furnace, also at work, or standing too close to the oven when it’s on, if something is generating heat, I will find it and I will stand too close to it. It’s these little things that bring such pleasure to my life during the winter. However, the two heat-related items that beat these by a long shot are my heated blanket and seat warmers. Turning my heated blanket on high before jumping in the shower makes the frigid run from the bathroom worth it. Same goes for when it’s just a gross day outside (today), and all you want to do is lie in bed and watch endless episodes of Law and Order: SVU. It’s the perfect solution to, well, life really.

Should you rudely be forced to venture out into the arctic (5 days-a-week for us working folk), the seat warmer comes into play. If you can’t plug your heated blanket into your car, or wear it without getting into an accident, the next best thing would be keeping your bum and lower back toasty warm (bum?). It’s such a nice feeling that just warms you from the inside out, especially if you forgot your morning coffee, which is ill-advised. A word to the wise: start your car in the morning before you have to leave, that way the seat has time to warm up and you can avoid the pain that is sitting on a frozen seat.

2. Downtime

With the quick drop in temperature and poor salting of the roads, the store I work in hasn’t been as busy as usual. Since this tends to make the hours drag on, I have searched for ways to keep myself busy and more importantly, awake. At first I only thought to swiffer the floors 3 times, only to have them collect an inch of dust 10 minutes later (it’s a super old house), organize the shelves and racks to pure perfection, or play endless games of solitaire.  While my solitaire game has gotten pretty damn good (acing that shit in under 3 minutes- pun intended), it quickly grows old. So I started to find other ways to combat this downtime in order to keep me sane. A lot of these solutions are store-related, but my most productive and stimulating activity has been catching up on all of the books I haven’t had time to read. By “not having enough time,” I clearly mean that I’m too busy watching Modern Family marathons, trying on everything in my closet to find something to wear the next day, or reading every BuzzFeed article that has ever existed, but I digress.

Since I discovered this “solution,” I have finished The Rum Diaries and Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, both by Hunter S. Thompson, and more recently (like 10 minutes ago), The Diving Bell and the Butterfly by Jean-Dominique Bauby. I’m still working on Kerouac’s On the Road, but it’s really just slow as shit.

Now that I’m done with Bauby, it’s onto the next: The Worst Hard Time: The Untold Story of Those Who Survived the Great American Dust Bowl by Timothy Egan. I’ve never been must into history, but I figured that I should know something about our country’s past. And of course I’ll be keeping up with Kerouac, slowly but surely. Hopefully I can get it finished within the next year…

Also, any book suggestions would be greatly appreciated! You can’t always trust those Amazon reviews.

1. Fast Acting Advil
Yes, I am aware that this is an odd “Top 3,” but hear me out. I’m not sure if I’ve complained about my knees yet, so I’m just going to do it, potentially again. I’ve had bad knees since high school but everyone just kind of assumed I was full of shit, even though my knees noticeably turn inward. Thanks guys. It has gotten exponentially worse over the past 6 years and as of late it has almost become unbearable. The pain radiates down to my ankles and then back all the way up to my hips and sometimes even my lower back gets in on the fun! It’s really awesome. Also, because of this lovely issue, I am forced to crack my knees and ankles incessantly, and when they won’t crack, it causes more pain. Seriously, it’s the best thing ever.

So the point of all this rambling about how much pain I’m in every night (it hurts worst at night because everything stiffens up when I’m sitting still), is to tell you how I deal with it, because I know how interested you all are. After bitching at my orthopedist for telling me that nothing showed up on the x-rays and there wasn’t much they could do, he prescribed my some shit anti-inflammatory that did nothing. Thus the use of Fast Acting Advil, which has allowed me to actually fall asleep at night, instead of laying awake in pain. I still have to take 3 or 4 due to my built-up tolerance over the years, but I’d rather that than waking up at 4am because I feel like I lost a fight with Metta World Peace. However, there are still times where I still feel as though I’m slowly dying because the pain is greater than any medication. Those days are my favorite!


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